first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
