I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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