i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
