The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
