I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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