You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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