I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
