Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
