How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
