I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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