Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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