I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
