john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
