you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
