I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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