Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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