The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
