I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
