sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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