You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
