I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
