Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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