Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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