it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
