I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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