just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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