okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
