I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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