I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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