Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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