GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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