Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
