I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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