I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Life is so much better after having sex.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
