Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.