What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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