All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.