He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They took my balls.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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