guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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