this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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