they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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