Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
