I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
