I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
