Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
