I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
