i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
