Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
