I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
