just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
