my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
