What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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