we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
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We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
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I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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