You really coming over, don't trick.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
