I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
