Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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