Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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