i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
