He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
