Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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