Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
