dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Say something about gay babies.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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