I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
false alarm, still single
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