Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
