Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
