The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
