census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
