So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can't turn off my feet"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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