Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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