how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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