I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
