i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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