My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
