Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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