i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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