ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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