I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
