Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
