I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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