I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize