Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
